Behind the Scenes of Escaflowne
by JAINK
Summary: Allen's wearing a wig... Dilandau's obsessed with Gameboy... Dornkirk's actually played by a mop?! Created by the authors of "Folkie's Birthday", "Amber and Emeralds", "Hurray for Random Plotless Fics", "The Esca Crew at THE BEACH" and more!


Behind the Scenes of Escaflowne
    By: Us. Jaink
    Disclaimer: We don't own Escaflowne, Magic Knight Rayearth, Fushigi
    Yuugi, Bob, Gameboy whatever, Avril Lavigne, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch (Thank God…), Herbal Essences, or anything else mentioned in this fic. Don't sue us. We'll sue you!
    (My dad's a lawyer! *Mihoshi squeaks*)
    NOTES:
    -If any of the phrases in different languages are screwed up, it's because Mihoshi was doing it and she was relying on her translator. Which is known to screw things up at times… Please don't be offended by any stereotypes, insults to characters you like, etc… It's a HUMOR fic… PLEASE remember that, k?
    -We are EXTREMELY sorry if this takes a while to update, as you will see below, we all have a lot of things we are working on and a billion ideas… Plus school… Yuck…
    -Some characters briefly mentioned are probably unfamiliar to you, such as:
    Chichiri- Funny guy in mask who says "No duh!" and "Ya Know!" at the end of every single sentence… He's from
    Fushigi Yuugi!
    Tasuki- Bishonen with flaming fan from Fushigi Yuugi… We love him! ^_^
    Varomi- Daughter of Van and Hitomi in Trunks Gal's fic, "Wings of an Angel" (Wife of Leonzar…)
    Leonzar- Son of Dryden and Millerna in Trunks Gal's fic, "Wings of an Angel" (Husband of Varomi)
    Feileyne- Childhood friend of Van who dies at the end of Kiddi Chi's heartbreaking fic, "Amber and Emeralds"
    Dentai- Friend of Van who loves Feileyne. It is unclear at the end of Kiddi Chi's "Amber and Emeralds" whether he is alive or dead…
    P.S. NOTE THAT THE AUTHOR NAMES ARE:
    Mihoshi, aka Fuu (Trunks Gal)
    Nagi, aka Umi (Nagi-chan)
    Washu, aka Hikaru (Kiddi Chi)
    Amie, aka Presea (NekuraTak)
    Katie, aka Tatra (Fontina Blu Cent)
    FICS BY AUTHORS
    If you like this fic, you may want to read fics/poems/whatever, some of which you may recognize, by the oh-so-wonderful writers of this… Lol…
    Trunks Gal-
    Wings of an Angel
    Winged Destinies
    Never Forget
    Forbidden Love
    Tears of the Heart
    Folkie's Birthday
    Angel of Dreams
    All I Ever Wanted
    Gone for a Soldier
    One Last Time
    Everybody Loves Miaka!
    If Only
    I Never Got to Say "Goodbye"
    Bunky
    Blood of an Adonis (Taken down cuz I had no time for it…)
    What Dragonball Z Characters Do On Their Day Off
    Nagi-chan-
    The Esca Crew Visits THE BEACH
    Revenge
    Encounter With Paper
    Crimson Tears (Good, but she discontinued it… *Sad face*)
    Kiddi Chi-
    (She has a billion fics she refuses to post… Only Amie gets to read them… *Sigh* HINT: ENCOURAGE HER TO POST SOME! I'm sure they are good, despite what she seems to think…)
    Still Doubtful, But Smiling
    Amber and Emeralds
    Fire and Ice
    NekuraTak-
    (Amie is our poetry girl… All poetry, all the time… She's REALLY good though, so it's okay! ^_^)
    Titled: Untitled
    You.
    Blaze
    Bound in Chains/The Lie Known as Life
    Imagine
    Soar Away With Me…
    Shall it pass?
    Falling
    I Stand Alone
    The Lone Man (She's got to write "The Lone Woman"!)
    The Condemned
    Fontina Blu Cent-
    Tree of Hearts
    Hurray for Random Plotless Fics
    Escahontas II—Journey for a New Pastry
    Esca, Shin Da? (Gotta give her props… She wrote the ENTIRE thing in Japanese… *Eyes boggle*
    Summer at the Weasleys (JK wouldn't write it)
    Secret Goddess
    Really Kinda Nuts
    Juyo Kinouki
    The Cedar Raft
    Millerna and Hippie
    Girs
    Escahontas (My fav! Gramma Merle and cookies! ^_^;)
    DreamSong
    Fuu: Hello! I'm blonde. Aren't you happy for me? *Giggles like a maniac*
    Hikaru: Um… yeah.
    Umi: Hiya.
    Fuu: Hikaru-san, I don't think you like my greeting.
    Hikaru: *sweatdrop* STOP CALLING ME SIR! I'm a girl too!
    Fuu: Eh?
    Umi: Oh man.
    *Presea walks in*
    Hikaru: PRESEA! *Goes over to hug her to death*
    *Presea beams*
    Presea: I AM HERE! LET THE lovely FIC BEGIN!
    Everybody: WE LOVE MAGIC KNIGHT RAYEARTH!
    Mokona: Puuuu!
    Presea: MAKONA! *starts running after the marshmallow*
    *Group sweatdrop*
    Hikaru: Right… we love MKR but this is an Esca fic…
    Tatra: LET US BEGIN ALREADY!
    Fuu: Yeah!
    Umi: Um… okay?
    Makona: *bounces into the screen* PUUU!
    This chapter was written by: THE JESSICAS! Trunks Gal and Kiddi Chi!
    Episode1: The Randomness Begins
    The Escaflowne crew sat on a long couch, discussing the shooting for the
    very first episode… well kinda, from left to right…
    *Hitomi was daydreaming about stuff*
    Hitomi: I'm daydreaming, about stuff.
    *Van pondered stuff*
    Van: I'm um… pondering… about… stuff?
    *Merle played with a piece of string*
    Merle: I'm playing with a piece of string. It's beating me at my own game!
    *Allen was holding up a mirror, staring at himself and combing his hair*
    Allen: I've got the urge, the urge to herbal… *Characters give him an odd
    look*
    *Dryden wondered why he was even there because he wasn't even in the
    first episode. He wasn't even in the series until episode "who knows which"*
    Dryden: I'm wondering why I'm not in the first episode, since we all
    know, I'm the best!
    *Millerna sat there, fluffing her dress for the hundredth time*
    Millerna: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE UP TO MY NAME OF THE PUFFY PINK
    POWDERPUFF, IF MY STINKIN' DRESS ISN'T PUFFY ENOUGH!?!
    *Folken was whistling*
    Folken: *stops whistling* I'm whistling *starts again*
    *Dilandau was playing his Gameboy*
    Dilandau: I got the magic mushroom!
    *Celena was wondering why she and Dilandau were in the same room*
    Celena: I wonder why I'm even in this room! *Walks to her private changing
    room* (A/N: It has a pretty star on it. Even though she's in the series
    for… about two minutes, maybe a second more.)
    *Yukari is screaming about her private changing room* (A/N: No one's
    listening)
    Yukari: WHY IN THE **** (Hikaru: Woa! No cursing!) IS MY CHANGING ROOM A
    BROOMCLOSET!? I'M IN THIS FREAKIN' SERIES MORE THAN CELENA! I'M A MAJOR
    SUPPORT TO THIS SERIES!!!
    *Amano is oblivious to what is going on* (Fuu: Like always)
    Amano: La la, me being oblivious…
    *Gaddess talking to himself*
    Gaddess: I love being a minor character. It makes me seem so important. I'm
    so glad that I was picked to be in Esca! I'm a major role! I even wrote a
    letter to my mom when I got accepted as, what it said in the acceptance
    letter, "Allen Schezar's chum in arms". (A/N: Chum chum chum…) *turns to
    Allen* I'm your chum!
    Allen: I'm not listening… *sings some more*
    *Naria walks into the room*
    Naria: I'm supposed to be doing stuff, but now I'm not. So… *runs over to
    Folken* I may as well take Folken now! I knew I was always better! I deserve
    him.
    *Eriya walks into the room*
    Eriya: WHA!?!?!?!? FOLKEN! WHERE DID YOU PUT MY CURLING IRON!?
    Folken: *Stops whistling* I don't have it!
    Dilandau: Sorry. *Looks up from his Gameboy* Used it a second ago.
    Um… Where did I put it…?
    *Moleman walks in*
    Moleman: It was shiny and pretty and looked expensive… so, I donated it!
    Eriya: YOU DID WHAT!?
    Moleman: That's what I do with all the stuff that I steal. I donate it to
    charity! They need curling irons you know? I don't know why. They just do.
    Bob came by. Did you see him? He's the charity collector dude. He lives in a
    Condo in CA. Nice place. *Clicks tongue in satisfaction* Wish I lived in a
    place like that. All I get is a hole in the ground.
    Hitomi: That's why you're the moleman. Because, you're like a mole.
    Yukari: No duh, Hitomi. *Thinks: Why isn't she blonde?*
    Hitomi: Shut up. *Goes back to daydreaming stuff* (A/N: Remember, she was
    daydreaming, not pondering. That was Van.)
    Moleman: Yeah yeah. No duh, ya know.
    *Chichiri pops in from Fushigi Yuugi*
    Chichiri: Don't steal my lines ya know? It's all my part no duh! It's all
    I ever say ya know? So stop that, no duh!
    *Pops back out of the scene*
    Esca crew: Um, that was just freaky. *They sweatdrop in unison*
    *Jajuka walks in*
    Jajuka: *holding a sign that reads as: * FEED A MOLE FOUNDATION. FEED ANY
    MOLE… NOW! SHOW YOUR CARE! FEED A MOLE FOUNDATION. Located at: Number whatever
    at random place whatever. It doesn't matter, just feed a mole!
    Hitomi: What if I can't find a mole?
    Jajuka: *eye twitches* Then… you are a sinner!
    Hitomi: *gasps* Wait… you were telling me?
    Yukari: No duh.
    *Chichiri pops back in*
    Chichiri: STOP IT YA KNOW, YA KNOW!? NO DUH!
    *Pops back out*
    Van: Mole mole mole… *Grabs Merle* Hey Jajuka, will this work as a mole?
    Merle: I AM NOT A MOLE!
    Jajuka: I just hold the sign. Ask someone else in the foundation. You
    can call us at number this, number this, this number, number number number!
    *Varomi walks in*
    Varomi: I am from Mihoshi/Fuu's (Trunks Gal is the ff.net name) Esca fic,
    "Wings of an Angel". Aren't I special?
    *Feileyne walks in*
    Feileyne: Not as special as me! I'm here, but I'm DEAD! BWA HA HA HA HA!
    Varomi: I have a sword.
    Leonzar: I have a sword. You don't have one. I DO!
    Feileyne: Well, I've got a dagger, AND a sword. So I can kick your
    Asturia any time!
    Leonzar: How can you kick my country?
    Dentai: Am I dead? Am I alive? No one knows! Wha ha ha ha!
    Feileyne: Why did you laugh like that? You scare me now.
    Dentai: I always wanted to do that! *Yanks her over and hugs her* OH
    wait! *Drops her* You're dead. I can't hug you.
    Feileyne: Wah! I'm a ghost now!
    Dentai: Um… sorry?
    Leonzar: I am not a ghost.
    Varomi: No duh!
    *Chichiri pops back in*
    Chichiri: *all mad* THAT IS IT YA KNOW?! *Grabs Varomi by the neck and
    tries to choke her* I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! NO DUH!
    *Tasuki walk in*
    Tasuki: Hey Chichiri, did ya know, that I'm a man too!?
    Chichiri: NOT YOU TOO! YA KNOW!? STOP STEALING MY LINES NO DUH!
    Tasuki: *pulls out his fan* You don't have to get all tickie on me! I'll
    burn you if I have to!
    Dilandau: *Looks up from his Gameboy* What? Moero?
    Tasuki: That's right pal! I'll show ya. *Walks up to Chichiri*
    Dilandau: *Puts down his Gameboy and walks over to Tasuki* This better be
    fun.
    Tasuki: Yeah yeah. Shut up. *Raises fan* REEEEKKKKKAAAAAAA
    JIYYYYYUUUUUUUUU!
    *Flames engulf the set room*
    Escaflowne crew: *scrambles to get out*
    Director: NO! DON'T GO! WE HAVE AN EPISODE TO SHOOT!
    Allen: AUGH! NO! NOT MY WIG! TAKE HER! *Throws Merle into the flames*
    Merle: NOOOOOOOOOO! LORD VAN!
    Fuu: Finally, a comrade! *Fuu beams*
    Van: Eh? What's your name again?
    Hitomi: I KNOW! WAIT… No… BUT I'LL REMEMBER! *Thinks hard as Merle
    shrieks.*
    Director: NO! SHE'S THE ONLY TALKING CAT WE COULD FIND!
    Salem: Hey… What about me?
    Director: Hey… You'd work… How do you feel about working weekends?
    Salem: Sorry, I got a gig with a witch! Later! *Scampers away*
    Director: *Sighs as Merle in the background is burning to a crisp*
    Merle: HEY! I NEED A LITTLE HELP HERE!
    Director: I KNOW! *Pulls out tongs* *Grabs Merle who is still on fire*
    Merle: Umm… Thanks?
    Hitomi: MERLE! I'VE COME TO HELP! *Throws a bucket of water on the
    catgirl*
    Merle: AUGH! HITOMI, YOU DITZ! THIS SUIT IS DRY-CLEAN ONLY!
    Hitomi: Umm… Gomen? *Grins sheepishly, sweatdropping*
    Washu: SHEEP?! Where?! *Mihoshi pushes her out of the story, apologizing for the girl obsessed with sheep, and sadly enough, never cows…*
    Director: Oh well, life goes on… We'll have to move down the hall. The mimes can have this room… They'd never notice anyways, with those freaky boxes they're always making and stuff… *Cast shudders… Mimes…*
    Merle: HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?!
    Director: Oh well, you're one of our homeliest characters anyway…
    Merle: WHAT?! *Tail bristles*
    Naria: Homely, homely, homely… I like that word… It rhymes with… Uh… Momely! Yeah, that's it!
    Eriya: Momely? *Arches eyebrow*
    Naria: HEY! It could be a word!
    Eriya: Sure… *Sarcastic nod*
    Naria: YA WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?!
    Eriya: YEAH! BRING IT ON! *They start fighting*
    Folken: Shouldn't you break this up? *Looks at director*
    Director: Uh… NOPE! They'll have enough time to heal before their first appearance… Let's go!
    Hikaru: IGO!
    Director: Isn't that what I just said? *Looks annoyed*
    Van: Oh whatever… I'm leader, I'll get us down there… *Leads them* *Opens a random door* And HERE we are!
    Hitomi: Wow those guys are fat… *Eyes wide*
    Van: What do you mean? *Turns around* Ohmigod… That just isn't right… *Covers his eyes*
    Allen: What? What's going on? *Walks into room*

Sumo Instructor: Dochirasama? (Who are you?) 
    
    
    Allen: OOH! HE'S SPEAKING JAPANESE, ISN'T HE?! THIS IS PERFECT!
    Van: Why?
    Allen: Well, I have been brushing up on it for the Japanese version since they're too cheap to hire Japanese voices or whatever it is that the do… This is a good chance for me to practice. Tell me if I sound convincing? *Turns back to Sumo-dude* Jijo beshi onara amata! (You must fart a lot!) *Beams, thinking he said, "This class looks like fun!"*

Sumo-dude: Naniwoiutennen?! (What the hell are you saying?)

Allen: Nee sondou debu hitoshii yuu? *Thinking he said, "The course is very invigorating indeed."* (Is your mother fat like you?)
    
    
    Sumo-dude: *Looked extremely pissed* Yuu aete bugen mai kaasan?! (You dare insult my mother?!)
    Allen: Hai. (Yes.) *Beams*
    Sumo-dude: Soremade! (That's it!) *Attacks Allen, who is shrieking like a girl*
    Van: It figures… He gets one word right, and it's what gets him beat up…
    Allen: AUGH! CEASE AND DESIST! HELP ME!
    Folken: Not until you return my Avril Lavigne CD!
    Van: *Looks disturbed* You listen to Avril Lavigne?
    Folken: Yeah, so? She's cool!

He was a boy   
She was a girl   
Can I make it any more obvious   
He was a punk   
She did ballet   
What more can I say   
He wanted her   
She'd never tell secretly she wanted him as well   
But all of her friends  
Stuck up their nose   
They had a problem with his baggy clothes 

He was a skater boy   
She said see you later boy   
He wasn't good enough for her  
She had a pretty face   
But her head was up in space   
She needed to come back down to earth 

5 years from now  
She sits at home   
Feeding the baby she's all alone   
She turns on TV  
Guess who she sees   
Skater boy rockin up MTV   
She calls up her friends   
They already know   
And they've all got  
Tickets to see his show  
She tags along   
Stands in the crowd   
Looks up at the man that she turned down

He was a skater boy   
She said see you later boy  
He wasn't good enough for her   
Now he's a super star   
Slamming on his guitar   
Does your pretty face see what he's worth?

He was a skater boy   
She said see you later boy  
He wasn't good enough for her   
Now he's a super star   
Slamming on his guitar   
Does your pretty face see what he's worth?

Sorry girl but you missed out   
Well tough luck that boy's mine now   
We are more than just good friends   
This is how the story ends   
Too bad that you couldn't see,   
See the man that boy could be  
There is more that meets the eye   
I see the soul that is inside

He's just a boy   
And I'm just a girl   
Can I make it any more obvious   
We are in love   
Haven't you heard  
How we rock eachothers world

I'm with the skater boy   
I said see you later boy   
I'll be back stage after the show   
I'll be at the studio   
Singing the song we wrote   
About a girl you used to know

I'm with the skater boy   
I said see you later boy   
I'll be back stage after the show   
I'll be at the studio   
Singing the song we wrote   
About a girl you used to know

Van: *Shakes his head in sadness* Folken, Folken, Folken… You're like a brother to me, man…

Folken: I AM your brother!

Van: Folken. Listen to me. You are my brother in the show, nothing more. I feel for you, man! How come you haven't gone to Dr. Touchy Feelings Guy like I asked you to?

Folken: Because… Her name scares me.

Van: HIS name Folken. HIS name.

Folken: Oh whatever… So I have females on the brain, the ladies love me, don't ya girls?

Esca Girls minus N&E: NO! 

Folken: See, they're crazy about me! 

Van: Whatever you say Folken, whatever you say… 

Hitomi: Hey, why do we all call each other by our names in the series, for example, my name is ------ MPH!

Van: THEY CAN'T KNOW WE HAVE REAL LIVES OUTSIDE THE SHOW!

*Two children run in*
    
    
    Two children: Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy!
    Folken: Who are these random guests?
    Van: *Blush* U-um… I dunno… They just keep following us around, don't know why… Scat kids! *Shoos them away*
    Girl-Child: *Puppy-dog eyes* Daddy, don't you LOVE us anymore?
    Van: *Looks away* No! Now scram kids!
    Girl-Child: Mommy! Daddy hates us! *Huggles Hitomi with her brother*
    Hitomi: Aww, no he doesn't… He just hates the fact that he's supposed to play a fifteen-year-old when in reality he's 30, explaining why he has such a deep melodramatic voice. He always doesn't like the fact that in the series we never kiss and never seem to get along when in reality we're starving actors with two children to put through college! Oops! Did I say that? *Glances around*
    Van: You idiot! *Smacks forehead*
    Hitomi: Did I say we had kids? *Looks at camera, sweating* Uhh… These are our servants! Yeah, that's it! Billy, go clean my car, umm… Monica, go do some random thing!
    Boy-child: But my name's not Billy…
    Hitomi: It IS now, shoo!
    Scary children: WAHHHHHHHHHH! MOMMY AND DADDY HATE US! *Run away*
    Hitomi: Kids these days… Think they can just walk up to somebody and call 'em their mom… *Nervous laughter*
    Girl-child: So when are you picking me up from soccer practice?
    Hitomi: 6 o'clock sharp, as always sweetie! *Beams*
    *The cast gives her a look and she makes a weird face before running off*
    Folken: That was weird…
    Van: Try being married to her… Uhh… I mean, try KNOWING her as long as I have! Hahaha! Married to Hitomi! That's a good one! *Eyes dart back and fourth to see who's listening*
    Folken: Oh give it up!
    Van: CUT!
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Woman1: I've got the urge! *Smiles annoyingly at the camera*
    Woman2: The urge to herbal! *Grins sappily*
    *Blonde Guy lies back in recliner while women wash his hair*
    Strange voice: Herbal Essences Shampoo and conditioner now comes in Cookie Dough and Wet Dog scents… So if you went to smell like a box of pastry delights or a soaked furball, buy Herbal Essences! Buy them NOW! *Cackles*
    *Hack Hack* I mean, just say NO to drugs kids! Have a nice day!
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Allen: See! That could've been ME! *Groans, flopping on the couch as the blonde guy flashes them a grin*
    Van: Uh… Allen… That IS you…
    Allen: Oh! Really?! *Presses face against the screen*
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Blonde Guy who's actually Allen: Hiya! I'm a blonde guy who's actually Allen! I have no brain, but just look at my hair! *Waves it in front of screen. It becomes tangled in the camera by some amusing twist of fate.*
    Blonde Guy who's actually Allen: AUGH! AUGH! THE HORROR!
    Director-dude: Cut!
    Blonde Guy who's actually Allen: Remember kids… Stay in school… Does anyone have some painkiller? *Winces as he tries to drag himself off the stage.*
    Disclaimer: This is an actual blonde guy who's actually Allen. He is a moose and his beliefs are not reflected by Herbal Essencesâ
    . Thank you.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Allen: Did you see that? You know, they wanted me for more commercials… *Dreamy look*
    *Flashback*
    "Lei sono cosí stupido! (You are so stupid!) The people! They LOVE you!" The Italian guy shrieked in excitement.
    "Umm… Molto maiale! (Much pork!)" Allen replied, HOPING he'd said thank you.
    "Lei sono veramente, biondo individuo che è effettivamente Allen! (You are indeed strange, blonde guy who's actually Allen…)" The Italian guy commented, stroking his beard.
    "But we…We shall use this to our advantage! The people! They weep for you like little babies! You shall return in what I like to call, "Blonde Guy Who's Actually Allen Part II!""
    "That sounds great… But I'm doing this show-thingy… It's called… uh… What is it called again?" He wondered to himself.
    "See?! This is what I'm talking about! What other ninny snatched you up!" The Italian guy screamed in frustration.
    "Umm… Vision of Viole? No… That's not it…" Allen hit his head against the nearest wall, trying to come up with something.
    "I got nothing…" He said in frustration, rubbing his sour head.
    //Hey, you!\\
    "Huh? Who's talking to me?" Allen looked around in confusion.
    //It's me, moron!\\
    "Me, who?"
    //Me! Y'know, your SMART side…?\\
    "Oh yeah… I haven't seen you for awhile…" Allen commented, recollecting that annoying other half of his personality.
    //Y'know… If I was still around… You could've been a genius…\\
    "I dunno… What's that pay?" Allen asked in confusion, scratching his head.
    //Uh… Never mind… The thing is… Your show is called "The Vision of Escaflowne". In Japanese, it's called Tenkuu no Escaflowne!\\
    "Japanese! Oh, you mean like those guys on TV… Who speak that language…" Allen beamed.
    //Uh… Yeah, that WOULD be it…\\
    "Pittsua!" He said happily.
    //Pizza?\\
    "Aw! Silly! What does 'Have a nice day' have to do with pizza?"
    //I'm not going to dignify that with a reply…\\
    "Go away! I don't need you anymore!" Allen shook his head and his smart side left, probably for good.
    "Hey, Frankie! I'm in "The Vision of Escaflowne"! It's some chick-flick or something…"
    "My name is not Frankie…" The Italian man said indignantly.
    "Sure, sure whatever… But I can sign another contract once it's over… It's like supposed to be some random number of episodes I guess…"
    

"Frankie! I LIKE that name! Good! Good! We start in 2 weeks! Grazie! Arrivederci blonde guy who is actually Allen!"

"Hey! Someone let that Italian guy in again Fred…"

"They just never learn, do they Bill?" The other security guard commented, shaking his head.

"After him Fred?" The first security guard.

"Sure, Bill."

"Your wife cooking tonight, Fred?"

"Yep Bill… You want to eat with us?"

"Well, the Missus is off in Botswana feeding those little orphan children… And she FORGOT to leave me any dinner!"

"That's rough Bill."

"That it is Fred."

"Shouldn't we be running?"

"I don't know. Wanna swap sheep jokes?"

"Sure, Bill." The security guards chatted while snacking on donuts.

Allen smiled a cocky grin, flirting with the models and famous actresses featured in the commercials. He promptly walked into a wall and fell over to the laughs of all the girls.

"All who want my number, may line up behind the two Sarah Michelle Gellars…" Allen mumbled as he blacked out and the girls made a beeline for the exit.

**Backflash**

Allen: I wonder whatever happened to that guy… *He was deep in thought…* (A/N: Oh WHO are we KIDDING? 

Him?! Deep in THOUGHT?!) *Well, he actually was very shallow in thought…*

Van: Oh who cares?

Allen: OH, not me, the stupid author told me I had to say it…

Director: People! People! Can we PLEASE start the episode?!

Eriya: But Dilandau won't fork over my curling iron!

Naria: Yeah, and don't you think I look better as a blonde? *Turns around and everyone gasps since she looks like 

Eriya*

Eriya: Sister… You… You're a copycat! *Hisses*

Naria: Sor-ry! This strange blonde guy on TV was just sooooooooooooooo convincing, I went out and bought Herbal Essences hair dye.

Van: You realize, Naria, that that 'strange blonde guy' is really Allen, right? 

Naria: OMIGOD! That's ACTUALLY Allen?! AUGH! GET THIS STUFF OFF MY HAIR! HURRY! *Runs into a stage light and falls over unconscious*

Director: God… Why do you curse me so…?

Allen: So, may I don my other wig? *Comes out as Amano*  


Hitomi: Man… This is really cheap budget if you have to use him for Allen AND Amano… *Rolls eyes*

Allen: Hey babe, you know you love me! Let's practice our little kiss! *Puckers up and runs towards Hitomi who steps to the side, causing him to kiss a startled cow that had wandered in after making the cheese commercial.*

Allen: Why Hitomi, you smell of manure…

Cow: *Bats eyelashes flirtatiously at Allen, mooing*

Allen: Okay… I'll be leaving now… *Turns around and walks away*

Director: Okay! I don't care WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS! WE'RE ON A SCHEDULE! WE START NOW! EVERYBODY ON SET! Or must I get ANGRY?! *Gives them the angry eye. They shudder and all get in their places.*

**10 minutes later**

Scene Dude: The Vision of Escaflowne- Episode 1: Fated Confession- Scene 1- Take 1

Director: And ACTION!

Girl1: Goodbye!

Girl2: Bye!

Guy: See you later!

Captain: *At track* Get set…

Hitomi: *Races towards track. She starts down the stairs, but falls* OUCH! CUT!

Van: *Offstage* THAT had to hurt… *Snickers*

Hitomi: Oh! Shut up you *BEEP*!

Director: Hitomi, please, you could corrupt young children!

Merle: If her acting hasn't already… *Whispers to Naria and Eriya*

Hitomi: HEY! I HEARD THAT!

Merle: *Tail bristles as she starts to whistle*

Scene Dude: The Vision of Escaflowne- Episode 1: Fated Confession- Scene 1- Take 1

Girl1: Goodbye!

Girl2: Bye!

Guy: See you later!

Captain: *At track* Get set…

Hitomi: *Races towards track. She starts down the stairs, but falls* OKAY! WHO LEFT THIS CATNIP BALL 

HERE?! MERLE!!!!!!!!!!!! *Runs off set towards catgirl shrieking in fury*

Merle: Hey! That bruise looks good on you! Leave me alone! AUGH!

Director: CUT ALREADY!

Girl1: Goodbye!

Girl2: Bye!

Guy: See you later!

Captain: *At track* Get set…

Hitomi: *Races towards track. She starts down the stairs, but falls* *Looks up, dazed* Perhaps we should try 

another scene… Uhh… *Blacks out*

**1 hour later**

Scene Dude: The Vision of Escaflowne- Episode 1: Fated Confession- Scene 4- Take 1

Director: And… ACTION!

Hitomi: *Waking up from vision* Amano… *Looks up to see him looking at her*

Amano: You should stay in bed.

Hitomi: Thank you.

Amano: You took quite a fall Kanzaki. I'm glad you're all right.

Hitomi: Right.

Amano: You have nice form. You've gotten much better since Junior High.

Hitomi: Not really… I haven't quite been able to break thirteen seconds yet. I wish I could run like you, Amano…

Amano: It's all how you come off the blocks. You've got to focus and give it everything you've got.

Hitomi: Everything I've got…?

Amano: Yes. *Notices pendant* Hey, that's a nice pendant!

Hitomi: Yeah, it's a memento of my grandmother. It's kind of neat really. When you swing it back and fourth it keeps perfect time. Never slowing down, always making one cycle a second.

Amano: Wow! Can I try?

Hitomi: *Hands it to him and he starts to swing it* One…

Amano: Two… Three… Four… Five… Six… Seven…

Hitomi and Amano: Eight… Nine… Ten… Eleven… Twelve… Thirteen…

Hitomi: Fourteen… Fifteen… Uh… Fifteen…

Amano: Huh? *Gives her an odd look*

Hitomi: Oh, it's nothing, I was just… Umm… Thinking about llamas… Yeah! Llamas, that's it!

Amano: Umm… Alright… *Sweatdrop*

Hitomi: Where were we? Oh yeah… Fourteen… Fifteen… Fifteen…

Amano: You did it again.

Hitomi: Did WHAT?!

Amano: You said fifteen twice…

Hitomi: I did? I mean, yeah, I did… Umm… I'll do it again… Fourteen… Fifteen… Uh… *Everyone stares at her* OKAY! I ADMIT IT! I DON'T KNOW MY STUPID LINES?! ALL RIGHT?! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!L

Director: All you have to do is say 'sixteen', what's so hard? 

Hitomi: I… I… Never learned how…

Allen: *Takes off Amano wig* You NEVER learned how to count to sixteen? *Gives her a disbelieving look*

Hitomi: Well… I dropped out of high school so I could marry Van and…

Van: There you go! Revealing our private lives again! *Bonks head against wall in frustration*

Director: Let me get this straight… You made it through at least nine years of school and they NEVER taught you to count to sixteen…?

Hitomi: Well, I forgot to take notes… The teacher went so fast… I… I need a banana! Banana boy! *Runs off of set leaving everyone sweatdropping*

Dryden: I still have NO idea why I'm here! *Everyone turns to look at him strangely

**Two hours later**

Director: Okay… That's enough… Please DON'T come back until tomorrow!

Cast: Suits us! *Files out*

Naria: Darn, if this hairspray doesn't come out, I plan on killing a certain moose?

Cow: *Runs back in, mooing like crazy, heading towards Allen*

Allen: Nice, cow! Good, cow! You don't want to kill me, do ya, do ya? *Gulps*

Cow: *Lets out a lovesick moo*

Allen: Okay… You want worse! It's every man for himself! *Cow chases after him as he runs off into the distance*  


Van: We really need to work that cow into the script… 

A/N:
    
    
    *Fuu walks into the set room for Esca*
    Fuu: Random, random, randomness, randomy. Random, random, random. Randomness,
    randomy, randomy.
    Hikaru: *clears her voice* Umi, what she means is, in a nerdy way, that this
    is not right.
    Umi: She's right! This was supposed to be an ESCAFLOWNE fic!
    Hitomi: Which reminds me, why are you people here?
    Van: Omigod! IT'S THE MAGIC KNIGHTS! *Runs up to the three girls* CAN I HAVE
    YOU GUYSES AUTOGRAPHS!?
    Hitomi: VAN!
    Van: *ignores Hitomi* (A/N: What's new about that?) I'VE BEEN A FAN OF MKR
    FOR YEARS! I FINALLY GET TO MEET YOU!!!
    Merle: *walks into the set room* Where did my catnip ball go?
    Fuu: Um… Anyways, that's the end of episode one…
    Hikaru: Oh the hyperness… *Shakes her head sadly*
    Umi: The out-of-characterness… *Looks downcast*
    Fuu: THE BISHONEN! *Drools over Van, Folken, and Dilandau*
    Hikaru: Eww… *Pushes bishonen away as Fuu looks at her in annoyance, before attacking*
    Umi: Umm… While they kill each other…
    Fuu: You're going down shorty!
    Hikaru: Same to you four-eyes!
    Presea: I'm DANCING like a monkey!
    Tatra: Am I the only NORMAL person here?
    Presea: Nope! I bet you could be weird if you tried!
    Tatra: Alright! *Beams, joining Presea in her weird, monkey-like dance*
    Umi: I'd like to remind you to review!
    Mokona: PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
    Umi: AH? MOKONA! YOU STUPID MARSHMALLOW! *Chases after Mokona*
    *Authors run into screen and fall flat on their backs, while a review sign appears above them in cheap neon lights.*
    


End file.
